Monday, July 1, 2013

False Positives




I've never really talked about mine and John's plans to have kids here on the blog... just because it's private and something we don't quite agree on just yet. We both want kids, but he'd rather wait a little longer than I want to. But we're talking about it and getting closer and closer to a compromise.

However, a few weeks ago, a big curve ball was thrown at us when I got a big POSITIVE on a pregnancy test. We weren't trying and for the most part, we were preventing.

I had felt sick for a whole week. Monday I got a horrible cold, was nauseous all week, I didn't eat hardly anything all week and was exhausted. It was still over a week before I was supposed to start my period so I honestly didn't even think anything of it. Friday I was still sick so it dawned on me that the nausea and not being able to eat could mean one thing... So I bought a test and pretty quickly it came back positive.

I didn't know whether to be excited or nervous or scared or sad. I was a little of all of them. I told John and he suggested I take more just to make sure and the second one I took that day came back negative and so did the third. I know false positives are rare so I knew it was still a possibility that it could have been right. So we waited until it was time to start my period. I never started so I took another one... negative again.

I called my doctor after being a week late and went in for a blood test last week. And a few days after that, almost 2 weeks late, I started my period.

During this whole time waiting, the small part of me that was happy at that moment it said positive, grew bigger and bigger and more and more hopeful it was right. So, when I started my period I felt like a little piece of me broke inside.

As much as you feel like you aren't ready for something, when you think it's happening, your feelings change. As much as we thought we weren't ready to be parents or didn't have enough money saved or didn't have a big enough house, we would make it work. You never really know how ready you are for something until you are faced with it. I didn't think having one false positive pregnancy test would affect me like this.

And now I have to face the fact that my periods are getting irregular again... I wrote about my first dealings with PCOS at almost this exact time 2 years ago. After a long battle with birth control issues I was finally regular on my own and not having any symptoms. My cycles have gradually gotten a few days longer and longer the past few months and now this time it was almost 2 weeks longer. So here we go again with this process...

But trying to pull the positives out of this situation... it's forced me and John to sit and talk about what we want as far as kids go. We have definitely learned about compromise with this situation. And the good thing is, we're almost there. And John has been nothing but a support through this situation... Taking care of me when I was sick and exhausted and sad.

I haven't had much to blog about recently just because I've been kind of down in the dumps and I know I promised to be real and write real posts so that's why I'm sharing this. I want all of y'all to know why I haven't been around and I always find so much support from the blog world.

I am a firm believer in God's plan for us and I know when He's ready for us to be parents, it will happen. This wasn't our time so John and I are enjoying every minute of being together and enjoying each other before our world real does change one day.



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20 comments:

Christelle said...

Sorry you went through such an emotional roller coaster! Glad you have John with you as a shoulder and support!

Ashley said...

I feel like I just went on that ride with you *hug*. Glad you have an amazing husband to support you :)

Katie said...

What an emotional roller coaster! Glad you have such a supportive husband to care for you. For us, it's more of the opposite-- he's ready to have a baby, but I'm terrified. Lol

Allison said...

Thank you for sharing this with us! I think a lot of couples struggle to be at the same place at the same time when it comes to children. I agree with you when you say that god has a plan but I struggle to with letting everything play out!

Katie @ Chronicles of KT said...

praying for you friend, it is such a hard thing even that one positive test can change you, I've been there and its not easy but your right when you say God has a plan and as Ive found it ends up being the best in hindsight even though its hard at the time. hang in there girl and like I said Ill be praying for your family

RitaMarie said...

Wow! My husband and I are going through almost the same thing. A few months ago I missed my period (had been regular for a couple of years) by two weeks. I actually miscarried, but it made us assess the whole kids situation. Well, that was the start of my problems with PCOS again. I was diagnosed, regulated it with diet and exercise, and now my periods are wacky and we are trying for a kiddo. PCOS is something else.

That emotional rollercoaster of a positive pregnancy test is a har thing, especially when it winds up not sticking, but it made us more aware of what we really want and whether we are truly "ready enough."

Casey said...

My husband and I are in a similar situation. We both want a kid, but he would rather wait longer. What a roller coaster of emotions.

A Shopaholic Runner said...

I think a lot of people go through something similar. Thank you for sharing your story!

Carolyn said...

Ugh. :( I'm sorry friend!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Aw I'm sorry to hear that Savannah. But it's all in God's plan. Stay positive and hope for the best. xo

Sunni Dae said...

Thank you for sharing Savannah! Your honesty and "real" posts are inspirational :) My hubby and I are kind of in a similar situation, we want kids, but we still have a lot of things we want to do and try and accomplish before we bring a child into the world. Keep your chin up, if God brought you to it he will get you through it! :)

Its A Sunni Dae
sunnidaegregory.blogspot.com

Kristin said...

Sending prayers <3

Jenni@FlyingOnARainbow said...

So sorry you went through that. I know a few people who have been through similar and were told it was a chemical pregnancy. The whole having children thing is so hard isn't it? We waited and waited and now we've been trying for well over 2 years without so much as a sniff of success. You are absolutely right to focus on your time as a duo though, make the most of it!

Chels said...

I can only imagine how hard that must have been to think you were pregnant and then all of the sudden, you weren't after all.
When it is right, it is right and you will know.

love and hugs girl!

Chels @ Red Velvet Rooster

Jodi said...

So sorry you are going through all this. Glad you guys have been able to talk and are closer to being on the same page though! Enjoy sleeping in for as long as you can then have a baby!! ;)

megs7827 said...

I'm so sorry. That would be tough. Sounds like you have the right outlook.

Heidi said...

So sorry sweet girl. I don't know what I would do and feel if that happened to me. The Marley quote is so true. :)

Lauren said...

Hang in there, friend! God has a beautiful plan and he wants it to be in his perfect time.

I'm sorry you are down. If you need some guest posters or just some encouragement, let us know!

Sara Lynn said...

I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this. But remember with every storm there is a rainbow! Keep your head up :)

Ashley R said...

You are so sweet and it was so open of you to share this. <3 I am so sorry that you feel down now, but it is wonderful at the same time to know what you want, how you feel, and to be able to have an honest conversation regarding it all. My heart is with you girl! <3

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