Friday, May 23, 2014

Be Happy

Ever since the miscarriage, I've been in a major funk. I feel like I'm in a bad mood all the time and I just can't shake it. I'm not big on talking about my feelings so a lot of time I leave things bottled up inside until I break. And now I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I know it's ok to cry and to break sometimes. It's just hard for me to do that for some reason.

I try to to be strong and find positive in every day and then I log in to facebook and there's another pregnancy announcement, I get on IG and there's another picture of a baby, I get on blogger and there's another weekly bump date from someone or I turn my phone on and there's a text about something baby related. I can't escape it. I try to be happy for these people who I know have prayed for babies, but it's so hard. I especially have a hard time when people complain about things that I wish I had. The heartburn, the weight gain, the stretchmarks, the endless trips to the bathroom... some people would kill for that stuff (me) and then there are people complaining about it. It's hard.

What I've found is social media is the main source of my problems so I think it's time to step away. Not delete it but spend less time there so I can not see those things that hurt so often. And really focus on what I do have and the positives that are in our life.

I've seen alot of people doing this 100 Happy Days Challenge. I think this might be something I NEED to do. Even though it is on social media, I think finding something in every day that I can take a picture of to be happy about and thankful for can really help my attitude. I am all registered and my 100 day challenge will start today. The hashtag I will use on Instagram is #savanahs100happydays.

I hope this will help me get out of my funk and focus on the positives. I know that one day I'll have the desires of my heart and all this sadness will be in the past.



Ariane Fisher said...

Oh Savanah I'm so sorry for your loss! I went through the same thing with my first pregnancy and can unfortunately relate to everything you're talking about. Please let me know if you'd ever like to talk offline.

Sometimes the sympathy can really be worse, as people share horrible stories in the process of trying to relate. Here's one nugget from someone who's been there. When someone is about to tell you a story of someone who went through the same thing, interrupt them. Literally interrupt them and ask "is this going to help me heal or is it going to scare me about the future? I appreciate your compassion, but I'm not in a place where I can handle stories about other women in worse situations right now."

Jessica said...

I couldn't agree any more... I feel the same exact way. Even Danny the other day said, geez, "is everyone pregnant or is it just me?" Everyone and their mom is asking when we're having a baby ...its truly annoying. I sometimes just want to scream at them... Just like you said, "he knows the desires of your heart" - its what I keep telling myself as well. I have faith, and he's never failed me before.

Jess @ Pretty Physicist said...

Having just gone through a miscarriage 4 weeks ago, I can imagine how you're feeling. No one knows what to say to you, not many people knew you were pregnant so not many people know you had a miscarriage, and you basically feel like your body has failed you. It is heartbreaking and traumatizing and no one can understand if they haven't been through it. and no matter what people say, that it's "normal" and "happens to so many people" ... it still sucks and it still hurts. If you'd like to talk, I'm here.

Holly said...

I'm going through the exact same thing right now. My husband and I have been TTC for 10 months now and almost all of my friends are currently pregnant. I secretly roll my eyes when they complain because I'd do anything to be exactly where they are.

I stopped getting on social media as much as I used to because I just can't handle all the belly and baby pictures. I've definitely cried a lot less since I made the decision to spend less time on instagram.

Melissa said...

The 100 days thing is such a good idea, and i decided i could benefit from that as well. Going to do it starting Sunday.

Anyway, i SO relate to every single thing you wrote here. Ever single thing. It sucks. There have been times of peace but also days of grief & heartache. Social media has been killing me lately. I cannot handle people complaining about pregnancy or mom-stuff. I understand it isn't easy being a mom & that your body goes crazy when you are pregnant, but i feel like they should just vent that to their mom-friends or their moms! I would take all the stretch marks & lack of sleep & morning sickness in the world if it meant i could have what they have. Ugh. Last night i had about had it. Just couldn't deal. And you are right. Pregnancy announcements EVERYWHERE YOU TURN! Two yesterday - one through email & one on FB. It is just incredibly painful. :(

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Will be praying for y'all. xoxo

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